The most powerful thing that happened to me in a long time is having a unique, somehow beautiful feeling of empowerment growing in me due to taking a very difficult and potentially life changing choice five months ago.
At times that feeling of empowerment felt so overwhelming, but also deliberating, that the only thing I could do was to smile through tears. I broke up with somebody I for long had believed was the one. I know it sounds like a cliche, but well that is how I felt and thought. At least the feeling of “forever” and desire to create a future was stronger with this person than I’ve ever had before. Throughout the past 3 years I felt I did a lot to show the whole world and that person that “I choose and prioritise him”, stressing how we are each others best team partner. But as one says “it takes two to dance tango”, and though we might not see the story in the same way, my view is that no matter what we did some mistakes and forgot to take care of each other a long the way.
Looking back one can think its a miracle we managed to get as far as almost three years considering our lifestyle and constant distance and lack of planning when and where to be together. Remembering and sticking to us then makes me think how beautiful and strong love can be. However, due to many contexts we didn’t find a way to develop together on common grounds. So obviously breaking up was sad, and I admit I was terrified that I did the wrong thing somehow, but I also had this new inner voice that often and strongly assured me what I did -due to the contexts- was correct. Over time I had got more reasons to not to dare keep going due to the fashion that developed in our relationship, and even knew that whatever sadness I might go through it will one day pass. I guess I wasn’t afraid of being down for a time, as I’ve had worse break-ups before.
Besides, I had a lot to do in life: I knew now how important, fun and time consuming it was going to be to get back to focusing on myself again. It really had been a long time – since I met me.
And that’s no EGO rush thing, its common sense and called “loving yourself and listening to your inner voice”.
If you struggle with similar issues re taking a decision, my advice is to trust your inner voice. It may even serve to recover the relationship, with time. Through honest, respectful communication and even by showing how strong you love the person you are separating, but also what your limits are, I think only good things can come out of it. For this story the latter suddenly seems to be the case.. Fortunately lots of new colors are rising in my life again.