One would think that after living abroad and traveling as much as Ive done for years, Id soon find my global identity and feel complete with it, like Ive felt pretty complete with my Norwegian identity most of my life. But I don’t. And I realise that each time Im back home. That is when I suddenly feel complete, and whatever stupid worries I might have had while “out there” disappear in an instance. When Im back at my mums place and when I feel as close as 1 hour away from my grandma and my best friends its like this feeling of safety comes over me, and maybe its always been like that, or maybe its the timing. However it feels different than how Ive experienced it before.
Its not like I feel unsafe “out there”, cause I dont, ever. But its this thing about being. Being me, surrounded by people that know me for the Jeanett I am, 100%, with no language barriers or “things to prove”. It makes me feel complete. So does my friends Lars or Kaija when they call and we chat as if Ive never been away and I meet them a couple of days later, and we sit talking and laughing unstoppably about whatever topic for hours. Suddenly there are so many things I have in common with someone that I easily can relate to, also due to our shared events in the past, shared stories and time.
Although YES, I am a person that focus a lot on living the moment and not look too much back or forward, but It also makes me feel so much more complete to sit in this situation and feel like.. me. Not to mention to be able to speak a language that just flows through my mouth before Ive got the chance to think and to be back at making jokes every 3rd minute if I like, even making people laugh. Maybe its a mixed feeling of being waited for, loved, valued as “me, Jeanett a friend, or a daughter” in a different way than anyone ever can give me out there. I guess so and I know I just have to accept that if I plan to continue living like a nomad.
To feel complete like this is something Ive underestimated till date, and I don’t think one ever can know what its about before living it. In small portions, in bigger. Either way one has to learn to deal with it. And just for the record, its not like my case is unique in any way. There are other people experiencing a feeling of being lost in translation or place far away from their home country due to much more serious and forced circumstances. Im fully aware of that and will always admire their courage.